As human beings, we are all susceptible to our emotions.
That isn’t a bad thing at all; emotions are a part of life, and we should embrace them. If we did not have any emotions, we would not feel love or joy. How can you understand “up” if you do not understand “down”? How can you understand “good” if you have no idea what “bad” means? It is a simple fact that if you want to be able to appreciate pleasant emotions, and indirectly control all your emotions, you need to experience negative emotions. How can you learn to control your emotions?
Sometimes we can feel trapped by emotion.
Do you get angry too quickly? Are you too fearful of taking action? Are you nervous about the unknown? Maybe someone has told you that you are “too emotional”. Have you ever asked anyone what that actually means? On a scale of 1 – 10, how do you think you compare with the rest of humanity? Your response is probably not accurate, but it probably indicates how YOU feel about the way you control your emotions. If you struggle to deal with your emotions, then these tips might help level you out:
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If you want to better control your emotions, be more aware of your emotions in general (and triggers)
We humans often struggle to notice that our emotions are spiraling out of our control. I am going to guess that you usually do not realize an emotion has gotten out of control until after something has happened that you might regret. Granted, you might get tooooo excited about something, but usually, I am guessing, you are more concerned about what you might consider your negative reactions, such as sadness, or anger, or frustration. Striving to be more aware of your emotional turmoil and the triggers that cause it is an obvious first step to controlling them. Do you already know of things that will set you off? Do you suddenly find yourself angry/confused/sad and you do not know why? I would suggest that you pay close attention to what was happening BEFORE your emotions got the best of you. That could very well be a trigger for you.
You may have heard of the issue of journaling, or keeping some kind of record of what happens in a specific circumstance. For example, smokers might note what happens just before they get the urge to smoke. People who overeat would note what happens before they head to the kitchen and look for some food. What happens in the 1- 30 minutes before you start feeling anxious, or fearful, or another emotion that concerns you?
Knowing what triggers your emotions can help you learn how to control your emotions.
A less-than 10-minute video from the Great Courses can help explain this.
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Recognize the Emotion You Are Struggling With
We aren’t always great at recognizing which emotions we are struggling with at any one time. Once you actively start being more aware of your feelings, you may realize that what you thought was one emotion (e.g., anger) is actually another (e.g., fear). Parents know this, though their children do not. How many times has something about your child caused you some fear such as not knowing where your child is and you were afraid? When you saw the child, you reacted in a way that seemed to the child to be angry. The child did not understand you were not as angry as you were afraid. Your fear triggered responses that appeared to others to be angry responses. You might have thought you were angry, but you really were afraid, I would bet.
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Don’t Instantly React to Your Triggers if you want to control your emotions
Being aware of your triggers not only helps you avoid them, but also allows you to hold back your reaction. If you feel emotionally triggered, don’t instantly lash out – take some time to let it marinate. Your flash of emotion may naturally dissipate on its own.
How many times have you felt an emotion and within a short time you realized that the emotion was no longer there? If you can learn to wait to respond to an emotion, even for ten to fifteen minutes, you may find that the emotion has disappeared.
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Find an Outlet for Your Emotions
Finding a healthy outlet for your emotions is a wonderful way to deal with them. One of the best outlets is physical exercise. It not only helps your emotional state; it will help you stay healthy and active. This does not mean training to run a marathon. You can walk around the block and that will help more than you realize.
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Start a Meditation Practice
Meditation might be the best emotional outlet there is. It doesn’t take much to start but can make such a difference in your life. You really do not need special equipment, nor do you really have to sit on the floor with your legs crossed. You can meditate while you are taking that walk around the block, or even sitting quietly in a chair. There are plenty of free videos and apps that can help you begin your meditation practice. Find one that suits you and your specific situation.
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Change Your Mental State
If you are struggling with your emotions, you could try changing your mental state by doing something else. Instead of wallowing in your emotion, get up and do something completely different. Sometimes this abrupt change can help you healthily suppress your emotions for a time.
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To really learn to control your emotions, Control What You Can
Think about why you are struggling with your emotions. Is there anything under your direct control that you can change? If so – focus on that. Getting wrapped up in the things you can’t control is a surefire way to enable your negative emotions.
One way to help with getting control of your life is to identify your priorities. Once you know what are the most important things in your life, you can begin to let other things go. If, for example, your children are a priority, then you will know that you want to focus on your children’s needs rather than something else that you are told you “must do”. That usually is not a “must” anyway. You can see more about this at my post here: https://olderstudentscanlearnnewskills.com/how-to-change-my-life/
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Reach Out to a Loved One
When you are at your wit’s end, it can be helpful to reach out to a loved one. Besides the valuable advice and support your friend/family offer, it is just lovely to be able to vent sometimes.
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Get Spiritual
No matter what religion you follow (or don’t follow!), you probably have some sort of spiritual guiding light. Whatever (or whoever) that may be, reach out and ask for divine intervention. It can’t hurt, and this simple act can instantly boost your morale.
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Learn to say No!
I am willing to bet that you find that you find yourself doing a lot of things for other people. How many times have you asked yourself “Why am I doing this when I have my own things to do?” Learn to say “No” to those other requests. No, this does NOT mean that you are mean or do not care about other people. Learning to say “No” means that you are declaring that YOU are as valuable as those other people. You can read more about this at my blog here: https://olderstudentscanlearnnewskills.com/saying-no/
ACTIONABLE STEPS
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| Start an emotion journal. This is for you and you only. No one else ever needs to read it. Here you can be honest about your feelings. Use the journal to vent about how you are feeling. You will feel better getting your emotions out of your head and onto paper. Bonus – you may learn a thing or two about yourself. | Using what you learned from your journaling – can you identify any emotional triggers? These are the events, things, or people that set off your emotional issues. Dealing with (or avoiding) these is a powerful way to control your emotions. | Make a support list. You may need to reach out to different people depending on your emotional issues. Make a list of people that you can reach out to when you are struggling. What is most important is that you don’t forget to actually use this list!
This is for you. Respect yourself enough to connect with others you trust. |
4. You can read more thoughts on this at healthline: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-control-your-emotions#therapy
If you are still reading, I really appreciate that. Thank you. If you found this helpful, please share it and/or make a comment and let me know what resonated with you.
Your friend might appreciate it too.
Did you just realize you lost points on your assignment because you forgot to do something?
Was that one too many face palms for you?
My assignment checklist can help you remember the details.
Check it out! It is FREE!!!!
If you are in college, or thinking about attending, check out my new Facebook group. Join today and help me build a group that is really useful to adult college students.
Back to School: Supporting Adults Earning College Degrees
Valerie
updated 24 March 2023