Learn to say "No"

Do you need to learn to say “No”?

Do you find you are so busy doing someone else’s work that you do not have time to achieve your own goals?

Do you find that you say “Yes” to people when they ask for your help? This then means that you do not always have the time to complete the tasks you want to complete. You do not meet your goals. I have some tips to help you say “No”.

Do you sometimes realize you should have said “No”?

A bicycle has two baskets, on one each side, hanging from a pole behind the bicycle seat. The baskets are full. The bike has no rider and is tilted, leaning on a basket on a dirt road. There is a puddle of water under the back wheel. There is a pond to the left, and equipment of some sort in the distant background. — Someone should have said “No”.

You help other people meet their goals. Do those other people ever really help you meet your goals?

Why are you surprised about your answer?

Do you want to find more time to work on your goals, especially if that includes schoolwork?

Did you just realize you lost points on your assignment because you forgot to do something?

Was that one too many face-palms for you?

My assignment checklist can help you remember the details.

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Saying “No” is actually good for your mental health.

There is a bit of an art to saying “No”. Mostly, the idea is to be polite and tell the truth: you have other tasks you need to complete.

Read over these tips and comments and see if any of them will work for you. Think about the phrasing and how you are not being rude.

Now, someone will call you rude, but I would be willing to bet that person is more upset that you will not do his or her work, and that person is trying to intimidate you. You ARE better than that. Your goals are just as important as anyone else’s.

A woman with blonde hair that is pulled behind her head is wearing glasses, a dark jacket, and a white shirt. She is seated in front of a laptop, with a book, papers, and a phone on the desk in front of her. Her right arm is stretched out directly in front of her and she is holding a card that says “NO” in big, dark letters. — Say no to excessive or unreasonable requests

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Practice saying one or more of the following statements:

I am sorry, but I have other responsibilities that day.

I can do that only if you can take over doing……

I’m flattered you asked, but I know I couldn’t do the job well enough with my limited amount of free time.

I would have been excited to do that last year, but I have too many responsibilities now. Thank you for thinking of me.

I’ll have to check my schedule, but in the interest of time, you may want to ask someone else. My schedule is full these days.

Thanks for thinking of me, but I am going to have to pass this time.

Personally, I like << I can do that only if you can take over doing……>>.

This can be an educational statement and experience. I have found that people who think of you and want you to be successful will react positively. The people who want to USE you might argue with you. If you remain calm and simply say you do not have the time to do that activity/project, the requestor will go find someone else. I would wonder if that person might be looking for someone to do his or her work. If the same person repeatedly requested this favor of you, then that is what you were doing, right?

I am not discussing the occasional need to help someone else who is in a pinch. We all have had days in which we have a project, and half the team is stuck in traffic because of an accident. I missed some work because I was on a bridge when traffic got stopped. There was no way I could turn around and take another route to work.

I really am suggesting you look at the times the same people or people from the same office/team ask you, repeatedly, to help with tasks. At some point, that help needs to stop. Either say “No”, or let HR know that the office/team needs help because they cannot do the work with the team member they have. I admit, this may not be possible, or realistic because you work with a lot of … “not nice” people, but it does help you to know that you have gone on record to state what seems obvious to you.

Remember, no one can learn anything if you do the task for someone else. Would you always tie your children’s shoes? Would you do all the work for your teammates at work because it was easier? What are you teaching them? Are you denying them a chance to improve their skills? What would have happened if the person who helped you learn kept all that information to him or herself? What will happen to you if you get promoted and realize you have a relatively untrained team because you did the work? Are you doing yourself, or them, any favors by doing work for other people? There is a big difference between training someone to do a task and doing the task.

If the person really does not want to learn and is totally content with your doing two jobs, then HR needs to learn that and perhaps transfer that person out of your department, or maybe even to the street. Do not get all sad and uncomfortable with this. Would you hire someone to do work for you if that person wanted you to do the work? What’s the difference? That person is not accomplishing a task for which he or she is being paid. That is costing the company money and productive time. You were hired to do a job: your job. You were not hired to do someone else’s job. Convince me I am wrong about this!

There is an arm that is in a dark suit and white shirt. The arm is shown from the elbow to the tip of the fingers. One finger is pointing, and the others are turned into the palm. The finger is pointing to a man wearing dark trousers and a long-sleeved white shirt. Above the man is a series of the word “No” in different fonts. The man has his arms crossed in front of him and he seems to be telling the pointing finger “No”. — Saying No to a supervisor

Did you just realize you lost points on your assignment because you forgot to do something?

Was that one too many face-palms for you?

My assignment checklist can help you remember the details.

Check it out! It is FREE!!!!

Click here to subscribe

A tip to help you say “No” to your boss!

Speaking of jobs, you might be wondering what to tell your boss when he assigns you one thing after another.

I have a caveat here. For these purposes, I will consider that you do not have a boss who is a candidate for Jerk of The Year. If you do, not much will work other than getting a new job. I wish you the best with that.

Working on the assumption that you have a somewhat reasonable boss, I would suggest you have a conversation similar to the following idea.

“Dear Boss. I appreciate the faith you have in my work, but you have assigned me Task #1, Task #2, Task #3, …. Task #X. Which of these assignments has a top priority? Can you rank them for me so I know which task should get my best work and which one simply needs to be done quickly? I really want you and the company to look good, so knowing which tasks are most important will help me”.

What points did you notice?

If you have a really nice boss, he or she will realize that you have too many tasks and take one or two from you. If you just so happen to be the best person for these tasks, then your boss will tell you what is crucial and what can wait. The most crucial task is not always the last – or the first – task you were assigned.

One key element in this approach is the statement << I really want you and the company to look good>> If you approach this as wanting to be helpful, not as if you are complaining (even though you might be, internally), you are likely to get more assistance, because the odds are good that your boss wants to look good too. Does this make sense?

If you were a manager, how would YOU respond to this approach?

Of course, you need to modify this a bit for your situation, but I hope I have given you some food for thought about ways to say “No” without making you seem like a negative person or a whiner.

Learning to say “No” can prevent the feeling of being overwhelmed. If you liked this blog, you might also like my comments on how not to be overwhelmed. I also have some suggestions for changing habits you do not like.

A cartoon-like starburst is outlined in orange with a yellow center. Across the starburst are the words “No Regrets!” in bold red letters. — Have no regrets about standing up for yourself

Did you just realize you lost points on your assignment because you forgot to do something?

Was that one too many face-palms for you?

My assignment checklist can help you remember the details.

Check it out! It is FREE!!!!

Click here to subscribe

If you are still reading, I want you to know I am grateful for that. I appreciate your reading my words, and I hope you find them helpful. I hope you find another post of mine helpful as well. Thank you for reading.

If you found this helpful, please share it with someone you think would also find it useful. I would appreciate it. Your friend might appreciate it too.

I started a new Facebook group recently. It really is brand new. It is a private group with the goal of creating a safe place for adult students to get support and ask questions. I have ideas for things I might do in the future, but I will be guided by the desires of the group members. Please check it out. I would hope you would like to join and help me build the group into something useful.

Back to School: Supporting adults earning college degrees

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If there is something you would like me to discuss, or a question about college or study tips, hit that reply button and ask me. I may not know the answer, but I just might have the information you want and need.

Remember that you are supported, and you can do this!

Until next week,

Valerie

Providing information and tools to help harried adult college students earn their degrees without losing their sanity.

updated 1 January 2023