5 Signs Fear is Stopping You
Fear is tricky. It can sneak up on you and take over certain areas of your life. The worst part is that you don’t even recognize how much it’s ruining your life.
You can’t let fear string you along. It will suck out your courage, hope, and determination.
I have 5 signs to help you determine whether fear is stopping you. I will also give you some tips and affirmations you can use to stop fear from taking over your life.
1. You let people’s reactions affect your decisions
When we want to be accepted by our peers, we allow their thoughts to fester in our subconscious. They start controlling how we think, act, talk and behave. This isn’t how normal life should be because you’re constantly running defense.
Notice I wrote “We”. This statement applies to a LOT of people. If you remember that others may be feeling what you are feeling and that you are not alone, you might find the courage to speak up and discuss this with others. That takes the edge off your fear. You might be surprised at how many people thank you for starting the discussion.
I am an instructor. You, as a student might fear me. Have you ever thought that an instructor could fear you??
I admit that there are some instructors who do not consider their students as much more than a way to get paid. Many instructors really do want to help their students. Many of them do not know how to connect with their students. Many believe that they, as the instructor, need to present the idea that the instructor is all-knowing and has all the answers.
To which I say, “Bah, Humbug”.
There is no blooming way that one person can have ALL the answers to everyone’s issues. The statistics are simply against that.
I, for example, cannot understand the life experiences of each of you. How can I?
I can, however, see generalities. For example, my younger students tend to see the information differently than the older students. Single students see the information differently than students with children.
Each student has his or her own unique lens.
What I think most people tend to forget is that the instructor also sees any lesson in his or her unique lens.
If you really think about this, you might wonder how anyone connects with anyone else.
There do tend to be patterns, which leads back to those generalities.
You might not want to be lumped in with some group, but, you also want that, as you might get more specific information than in you were an amorphous blob.
Does that make sense?
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The way out of this continuous defense scenario is to renew your conviction. Stop gauging your actions by how people will react.
Focus, instead, on what you want to do and why. Setting up realistic goals makes things more tangible and easier to attain. Only then will you be able to beat out your fear of rejection.
2. You keep your opinions to yourself
Just as the fear of rejection holds you back, fear of criticism is just as powerful. It can impact your actions and your decision.
When you are always hesitant in your conversations, you are afraid of what you may say or what people may think of your ideas. That can lead to negative results at your workplace and at home. People may get the feeling you are holding out on them or that you are being deceptive.
One way to stop this vicious cycle is by renewing your determination and courage. Take some time to tell yourself that everyone deals with fear and negative self-talk. Remind yourself of all the people in history who had new ideas and people laughed at them. It has not been all that long ago that most people did not think anything would replace the horse for transportation and candles for light at night.
It’s those people who do not let this fear get in their way who ultimately reach peace of mind in the end. They are not braver than everyone else. It’s that they respect their ideas enough to have them be heard by others.
3. You hold off trying new things even though you want to do them.
Sometimes the fear of failing at something overtakes our emotions. It makes you reluctant to get involved in challenging work projects.
The worst part is that most times, you don’t recognize it as fear. It can show up as procrastination, self-sabotage, or even full-blown anxiety attacks.
When we’re crippled with this type of fear, we tend to use negative statements that undermine our abilities. We tell ourselves things like, “I’m not good enough to be part of that team” or “I’ll never be as good as they are.”
These kinds of statements further reduce our self-esteem, not to mention our faith in our abilities. I have found that the people who tend to think that they are GREAT at something, or better than other people, tend not to be as good as they think they are. The difference is that they just think they are better.
4. You avoid doing the right thing
We put too much emphasis on peer pressure. In many circumstances, it can almost make us almost sell our souls for fear of suffering potential backlash.
It could be that you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, or you simply want to be accepted by those around you. So, what do you do when you have to choose between right and wrong? Nothing.
You become someone who forgets their principles. It’s the ultimate fear of any retaliation or repercussions that may come as a result of your actions.
The way to remedy this is to make a conscious decision to stand up for what’s right. Find the courage you need by allowing yourself to sit with your fear for a few minutes.
You can even write down what your fear entails on a piece of paper, then tear it up or burn it. Once you see your fears going up in flames, you can let them go and move on.
5. You settle for something other than being yourself.
You settle in your job, you settle in your relationship, settle in your health. That feeling you get that tells you this is as good as it gets is wrong. That’s fear of rejection taking over your life and running the show.
Settling isn’t being realistic, and it doesn’t do anyone any good. It kills off that beacon of hope that fills us with life and creativity.
Another way we avoid this type of fear is by micromanaging everything. We feel we need to be in control of everything all the time.
The way to remedy settling is to take risks. Even if it’s only small risks, it’ll do you a world of wonder. It’s time to leave the sidelines where it’s safer and step into the game where you belong. Stop worrying about disappointing people, and start dreaming of a brighter, more exciting tomorrow.
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Different Types of Fears Holding You Back
Fear is always skulking in the background. Here’s a list of the types of fear that hit all of us in our lives at one time or another. The important thing to remember is that you’re not alone in your fear.
- Fear of the unknown
- Fear of making a mistake
- Fear of criticism
- Fear of failure
- Fear of abandonment
- Fear of not being popular
Overcoming Your Fears so you can be you
I am not trying to scare you — just the opposite. Take it as a friendly wake-up call to give you hope and inspiration.
You’ve probably heard how some people write motivational messages to boost their confidence. While it may sound too good to be true, it does work.
Try it for yourself. Hang up one or two on your bathroom mirror or fridge. Seeing those positive messages day in and day out will slowly start to have a positive effect on you. You’ll begin to trust yourself more and enjoy a more positive self-image than ever before.
Other Useful quotations
I want to share two quotes with you that might be helpful.
“Remember that failure is an interpretation, not a fact.”
Dr. Joe Rubino
“ .. view failure as useful data rather than an indignity you are faced to endure.”
The Procrastination Cure, p. 24
Dr. Wayne Dyer, in a variety of his books, stated that failure is not really a failure. He suggested that we all see the results or outcome of our behaviors as just that: results. Once we consider the results of our actions, we can learn from them and grow.
Remember, if you fear failure, you cannot learn from the results and grow. Do you really want to be the same for the rest of your life? Even when times are tough, you can still remain hopeful.
Some other helpful tips
Use them to help transform fear from something that holds you back in life to something that boosts your courage and drives you forward.
- Question your values
- Have faith in yourself
- Meditate
- Practice mindfulness
- Keep a journal
- Realize that you’re not alone
Affirmations
Here are some affirmations to tell yourself at least once daily:
I am capable of achieving my goals.
I am doing the best I can.
I am transforming my life into a happy one.
I feel the fear, but I can still do what I need to do.
I can let go of what I cannot change and do the best with what I can.
I am stronger than I think I am.
I will not worry about the rest of my life. I will concentrate on doing the best I can today.
I have faced a lot of negative in my life and I have survived. I can survive and thrive in my life because I will not let the negative take root in my mind.
I am always with myself, so I might as well enjoy the company.
Last, but not least, remember a book that you might have read to your children: The Little Engine That Could.
I think I can.
I think I can.
I think I can.
I KNOW I can!!!
If you have read this far, I am grateful and I thank you.
If you found this helpful, please share it with someone you think would also find it useful. I would appreciate it. Your friend might appreciate it too.
Have you ever lost points on an assignment because you forgot to do something?
My assignment checklist can help you remember the details.
Check it out! It is FREE!!!!
If you have any questions or comments, please leave me a note.
Valerie
updated 5 September 2023