Do you use excuses to hide your fears and prevent you from overcoming adversity?
There is a tendency that a lot of us have at times: Once we stop something, we can find it hard to resume the activity. We see this all the time with things like exercise and diets. People seem to have the idea that once they stop doing whatever they started, they have somehow committed a major mistake and there is no point in resuming the activity. You cannot overcome adversity if you think you have already lost the battle.
Balderdash. [I guess that is an “old word”.] I do not know that I have ever known a lot of people who were able to be totally and perfectly consistent with their behaviors. Sooner or later, something happens, the trend stops … but many people actually resume their activities.
Think about this, even if it does not quite fit you. Many people get blood tests and have to fast for, usually, a night. That means they do not get their morning meal, and, sometimes, their morning coffee. Does that mean that they stop eating breakfast or drinking coffee simply because their routine was disrupted?
Probably not.
Why, then, should a break in other routines mean that we cannot resume them?
Do you have a similar, yet different, issue? Does that break in your routing totally stop you?
Breaking the cycle, for example, of studying, does not mean that a person is a loser or without merit. It simply means that something happened, and the behavior stopped. The big issue is not whether or not the behavior, that is, studying, stopped. The issue is whether or not a person starts studying, or whatever activity was stopped, again.
Does this make sense?
Life happens.
Your children get sick. Your job might have some extra requirements for a short time. You get sick. Any number of things can happen to disrupt our schedules. I have seen way too many students encounter a short-term problem and they decide they should simply give up on school, and therefore, their dreams. For some reason, those students seemed to have considered themselves a “failure” because they could not maintain their studies.
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Those students are not failures. I do wonder, sometimes, if they have given up on their dreams because studying is more difficult than they want and they use the disruption as a way to “save face” and drop out of school. I am sure that fits a few people, but I also think others simply have unrealistically high expectations and think that lowering their expectations is somehow a negative thing.
Why should this happen?
If you have never been to college, how are you supposed to know what college academics will be like? The people who will succeed will adjust their expectations and resume studying. They will realize that most potential employers will not look at college grades. Many employers just want to know that a person earned a degree. That means that the college decided that the person met a certain set of standards. Very few people get hired or promoted because they were their college valedictorians. These people tend to get hired because they have a degree. They get promoted because they do good work. College grades do not matter at this point.
If you want to enter graduate school, grades are a bit more important, but one relatively bad term will not necessarily ruin any chances at a good graduate school PROVIDED the student does well after that one term. If nothing else, a person with one bad term on his or her record can point to the transcript and argue that he or she was able to face adversity and still grow and do well. A person who never has a bad term has no way to demonstrate that she or he can overcome adversity. Think about this. If you were a manager, or you run your own business, which of the two would you most likely to hire: Someone who has encountered adversity and overcome it, or someone who has not encountered it?
I can understand this idea might be a bit controversial. What do you think? If you were/are a supervisor, would you really be all that interested in a person’s GPA, or would you want to have other information before hiring a person?
Are you letting fear stop you from overcoming adversity?
5 Signs Fear is Stopping You
Fear is tricky. It can sneak up on you and take over certain areas of your life. The worst part is that you don’t even recognize how much it’s ruining your life.
You can’t let fear string you along. It will suck out your courage, hope, and determination.
I am here identifying 5 signs to help you determine whether fear is stopping you. I also give you some tips on how to stop it from taking over your life and help you to overcome any adversity.
Change your thinking to change your life
- You let people’s reactions affect your decisions
When we want to be accepted by our peers, we allow their thoughts to fester in our subconscious. They start controlling how we think, act, talk and behave. This isn’t how normal life should be because you’re constantly running defense.
The way out of this continuous defense scenario is to renew your conviction. Stop gauging your actions by how people will react.
Instead, focus on what you want to do and why. Setting up realistic goals makes things more tangible and easier to attain. Only then will you be able to beat out your fear of rejection.
- You keep your opinions to yourself
Just as the fear of rejection holds you back, fear of criticism is just as powerful. It can impact your actions and your decision.
When you’re always hesitant in your conversations, that means you’re always afraid of what you may say. That can lead to negative results at your workplace and at home. People may get the feeling you’re holding out on them or that you’re being deceptive.
One way to stop this vicious cycle is by renewing your determination and courage. Take some time to tell yourself that everyone deals with fear.
It’s those people who don’t let it get in their way who ultimately reach a state of peace of mind. They are not really braver than everyone else. They respect their ideas enough to have them be heard by others.
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- You hold off trying new things
Sometimes the fear of failing at something overtakes our emotions. It makes you reluctant to get involved in challenging work projects.
The worst part is that most times, you don’t recognize it as fear. It can show up as procrastination, self-sabotage, or even full-blown anxiety attacks.
When we’re crippled with this type of fear, we tend to use negative statements that undermine our abilities. We tell ourselves things like, “I’m not good enough to part of that team” or “I’ll never be as good as they are.”
These kinds of statements further reduce our self-esteem, not to mention our faith in our abilities.
You’ve probably heard how some people write motivational messages to boost their confidence. While it may sound too good to be true, it does work.
Try it for yourself. Hang up one or two on your bathroom mirror or fridge. Seeing those positive messages day in and day out will slowly start to have a positive effect on you. You’ll begin to trust yourself more and enjoy a more positive self-image than ever before.
- You avoid doing the right thing
We put too much emphasis on peer pressure. In many circumstances, it can almost make us almost sell our souls for fear of suffering potential backlash.
It could be that you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, or you simply want to be accepted by those around you. So, what do you do when you have to choose between right and wrong? Nothing.
You become someone who forgets their principles. It’s the ultimate fear of any retaliation or repercussions that may come as a result of your actions.
The way to remedy this is to make a conscious decision to stand up for what’s right. Find the courage you need by allowing yourself to sit with your fear for a few minutes.
You can even write down what your fear entails on a piece of paper, then tear it up or burn it. Once you see your fears going up in flames, you can let them go and move on.
- You settle
You settle in your job, you settle in your relationship, settle in your health. That feeling you get that tells you this is as good as it gets is wrong. That’s fear of rejection taking over your life and running the show.
Settling isn’t being realistic, and it doesn’t do anyone any good. It kills off that beacon of hope that fills us with life and creativity.
Another way we avoid this type of fear is by micromanaging everything. We feel we need to be in control of everything all the time.
The way to remedy settling is to take risks. Even if it’s only small risks, it’ll do you a world of wonder. It’s time to leave the sidelines where it’s safer and step into the game where you belong. Stop worrying about disappointing people, and start dreaming of a brighter, more exciting tomorrow.
Different Types of Fears Holding You Back
Fear is always skulking in the background. Here’s a list of the types of fear that hit all of us in our lives at one time or another. The important thing to remember is that you’re not alone in your fear.
Do you let one of the following fears dictate your behavior?
- The unknown
- Making a mistake
- Criticism
- Failure
- Abandonment
- Not being popular
- Not being liked
Overcoming Your Fears
This article isn’t meant to scare you — just the opposite. Take it as a friendly wake-up call to give you hope and inspiration.
Below are some helpful tips. Use them to help transform fear from something that holds you back in life to something that boosts your courage and drives you forward. You are not at the mercy of negative experiences. You have the power to overcome adversity, be successful, and achieve your goals and dreams.
- Question your values
- Have faith in yourself
- Meditate
- Practice mindfulness
- Keep a journal
- Realize that you’re not alone
If you like quotes, you may find these quotes helpful.
If you found this helpful, please share it with someone you think would also find it useful. I would appreciate it. Your friend might appreciate it too.
Have you ever lost points on an assignment because you forgot to do something?
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If you have any questions or comments, please leave me a note.
Valerie
updated 24 October 2023